Love Cannot Get Lost

As co-authors of multiple books and a love story of their own, Bruce and Carol Britten wisely explain that many people do not know what love is in Answers For Your Marriage. They have counseled hundreds of confused couples that have nearly ended their marriage simply because they do not understand love in the way that God designed. There are hundreds of definitions of love floating around between technology, cultural differences, and experiences. We live in a very feelings-based society that is tossed around by even the slightest gush of wind. We as a people have no strong foundation or deeps roots because we have been taught to live by “our truth”, which consists of believing the first thought that pops into our minds (even if it is a complete lie).

Love is NOT a feeling. Love is a choice. Love is an action verb. It requires that one show love by actively doing something. Love is putting another’s needs before your own by being unselfish. Love is NOT lazy. When love becomes lazy, that is when it seems as if it’s lost.

However, as the Britten’s highlight, love cannot get lost. It may seem lost, but love is never actually lost. All you have to do is choose to love again. You cannot lose something that is your choice.

Love is unlike any other aspect in the world because no matter the ups and downs in life, love has the ability to remain constant. Feelings rise and fall like the waves in the ocean. The waves cannot control how high they rise, how loud they crash, or how frequently they occur because there are too many other factors that are in control of the ocean itself. Love, on the other hand, is largely in your control. All you have to do is take the first step in the right direction.

You may be thinking, “Well, I don’t feel like loving my spouse.” That thought is valid. The enemy takes advantage of the hard days by making it difficult to choose to love one another. Satan loves to steal the romantic aspect of a marriage, and its often too late before the couple realizes that things have gone downhill. Choosing love will bring back a rush of the romantic feelings that you felt during your first year of marriage. It is like a breath of refreshing air.

If you have ever felt like the love was lost in your marriage, this blog is for you. Do you care about your significant other enough to take the initiative? Do you want to feel content in your marriage again? Are you ready to fight for love? Here are several helpful tips to help you grow closer to your spouse, to bring back the romantic feelings of your marriage, and to make it easier to choose love again.

1. Men, write your wife a short love note. It doesn’t have to be long, even a few thoughtful and sweet sentences will make her day. Slip the note into her lunchbox for work or tape it to her mirror so that she will see it when she goes into the bathroom. Small, unexpected gestures are unforgettable. Not only that, but she now has a note to refer back to whenever she needs a pick-me-up.
2. Ladies, plan a surprise date for your husband. Men are often given the task of date planning, so having you plan something for him will be a refreshing change. Make your destination or activity a surprise. He will appreciate the fact that you took the time to thoughtfully plan out something special just for him.
3. Men, check one of the items off of your wife’s to-do list. It could be something as simple as putting away the dishes, making an important phone call, or taking the kids to buy their school supplies. This action will show that you are thinking about her and that you care about her.
4. Ladies, pull out your old photo albums. Go through your wedding photos, childhood photos, or school photos with your husband and talk about the experience behind each photo. It is a fun way to get to grow closer to your husband by giving him the chance to talk from his perspective. How did he feel on your wedding day? What was his favorite family vacation? What is his favorite photo of himself?
5. Men, make something for your wife. It can be a drawing, video, song, – anything. Use your talents to craft something specifically for her. She will appreciate the time and effort that it takes to make something from scratch. There is much love in handmade gifts!
6. Ladies, wash your husband’s car while he is away. Vacuum the inside and insert an air freshener as the finishing touch. You can make this your own by adding your personality to the act of service.

Marriage is a covenant made before God. Love is a concept created and displayed by God. We as humans have been given the opportunity to be a picture of Jesus to the most special person in our lives: our spouse. God hand-picked you for each other for that very purpose. You are better together. The very best thing that you can do for your marriage is to pray and obey God. Pray and ask God to help you to choose love. Ask him for discernment when it comes to tough situations. Ask him to give you opportunities to love your partner in a special way that meet their needs.

In addition to Answers for Your Marriage, check out more Oasis resources on marriage which have been created in Africa for our contexts such as A Pre-Marriage Counselling Handbook: For Pastors and Lay Counsellors by Alan & Donna Goerz and Getting Married by Chao and James Wanje. Click here for updates on upcoming Oasis books!