I’m a Single Woman, so What Now?

“Wait… you’re single? You must be, what, 40? And you still haven’t found a husband in all that time? Wow, you must be miserable. I’m sure it’s sad to live a life of failure.”

Have you heard these words before? Or spend time with people who sure seem like they’re thinking this?

Then you’re not alone. Let’s face it, life as a single woman isn’t easy. Sometimes, it can seem like everyone is expecting you to get married, to hurry up and find Mr. Right. Or at least settle for Mr. Acceptable.

The pressure from family, friends, and the world around us can make mature single women feel like failures. As if that’s not hard enough, the seemingly endless wait for a husband can bring about a bad case of loneliness. When you’re invited to wedding after wedding without so much as a single date, it can be tempting to give up, question God, or become filled with bitterness.

As a Nigerian lady who’s single in her 40s, Bookie Adekanye gets it. But she’s convinced singleness isn’t a curse to a life of gloom. Her recent masterpiece, “Happily Whenever After” will help you shake free of the pressure and live into your purpose!

The first thing to remember is where we find our worth in the first place. This world tells women that they have less value if they are unmarried. But we don’t have to listen. Bookie reminds us that “Our culture’s expectations and the labels other people place on us do not define us. Who we really are is not defined by our marital status or what society says, but by what God says about us.”

But though many voices berate us for being single, the strongest can come from our hearts. Sometimes, we can even tell ourselves that God is keeping us single because we’re not worthy of marriage. But, as Bookie points out, “Being single is not a curse … it is not punishment for being bad, just as marriage is not a reward for good behavior. Marriage is a gift from God, and as with all gifts, it is the giver’s choice to determine whom to give it to; it is definitely not an obligation.” We must trust in God’s plan and wait for his timing at the end of the day.

But what a wait. The years can positively creep by, draining a bit of our hope every day. Waiting is a pain! But God can use even this season to change our hearts. Bookie lovingly tells us, “As we wait, we can experience God’s loving presence with us and sustaining us. Our trust in God often grows as we wait. We learn to depend on God, experience his peace and comfort, and discover more of who he is. God is polishing and not punishing us. He has our good at heart.”

So what should we do while we’re being polished? For one thing, let’s not wait for a husband to make us happy—we can find joy right where we are now! Many married people dream of having as much free time as a single person—so let’s make the most of the time God has given us! Maybe we can travel the world or learn a new skill. Maybe we can invest in a ministry, mentor a younger woman, dedicate time to prayer, or even adopt a child. What we do with our God-given time is up to us as long as we continue to trust in him.

The world tells single women they need a husband to be satisfied, but Bookie reminds us that we shouldn’t listen to this lie. God has valued you above the finest jewels, made you his own, and equipped you with everything you need to thrive right where you are. He knows what he is doing and he has a plan for you. Let’s go live the lives that he has given us!

Based on the book Happily Whenever After by Bookie Adekanye.

Are you are single woman going through the challenges mentioned in this blog? Do you trust in God and His plan for you? Don’t be discouraged! You are valued.

Get your copy of Happily Whenever After on Amazon or from Oasis International Distribution partners in Africa.